feel free to use me.
September 20th, 2006 . by matt
feel free to use me.
Originally uploaded by M. Bivins.
My neighborhood inner-city meeting place is called Rutledge Coffee and Cream. I go there often. I did some computer work for Tony, the owner, and have enjoyed months of free food in trade for my work; sadly, I’ll soon have to start paying for the breakfast sandwiches and iced-with-coffee-cubes coffee… s’ok. It’s worth it. This is a picture of the herbs set out on each table, to garnish your plate of eggs or to put in your sandwich. I guess. A pretty hippie named Willis supplies the herbs.
And yes, in some ways I have felt a little bit used, lately. But I can’t tell whether this is just a choice I’ve made to feel that way, or the actuality of events I have been meeting day to day. I suppose every once and a while we all feel used, by a person, or a situation. It’s up to me to decide whether it’s worth it to feel used. It could be very worth it! Most people, while “paying their dues”, are allowing themselves to be used. I would have thought that I had payed aplenty, but I think that in many ways it’s never ending. Sorry!
Paying some dues on a few different levels. Feel free to use me.
Feel free to use me.
I get to go first!
What do you mean by “used?” Are peope using you by loving what you represent rather than who you are? Or are they tricking you into painting fences for free? Hmmm. Maybe you’re paranoid because of all the free herbs.
I think this is Ash or Cara’s login, but I thought it would be funny to leave it.
I remember those herbs, so pathetic with their “use me” sign. And I started thinking about that sign on the way back from the airport after breakfast that morning.
Yes paying dues is important. And in many situations, you can choose to either feel used or feel needed.
But my experience has always been “trust your gut.” If you feel used, in some way, by some person, you are probably being taken advantage of. I know how you feel, especially at this time in my life. Trying to figure out what to do with my life, etc.
I’ve found that the simplest cure for the used blues isn’t money, or adoration or even sex (most of the time) but a “thank you” and a true appreciation for what you have done for someone. You have to be good to the people who are good to you, even if it means going out of your way, or doing something you don’t really want to, even if it makes the other person happy. Even for just a moment. To let them know they are appreciated.
More often that not, people don’t realize they are using somone. So sometimes if you say something to them, it makes all the difference. And if that doesn’t work, then they aren’t worth your time and are not true friends.
I don’t know why I commented. Perhaps it was all the wine I had with lunch, or because I could relate.
Anyway, I hope you’ll read this and remember that people who really appreciate you will never use you. And isn’t that all that matters?
Julia
You’re amazing, insightful, and powerful - all the ingredients to make change where needed.
i definitely know the feeling. i’ve certainly felt used at times throughout my life. i’d like to think that most people don’t intend to use people. unfortunately, sometimes it happens. at those points, i try very hard to think that in some way they will “get me back” or “have my back” when i need them. the other side of that is to say… the only way that people can know that we are feeling used is for us to tell them.
just my 2 cents… give me change if ya like.
love ya matty!